Our 6th Anniversary

Today D and I celebrate the covenant we made to each other, our families, and future children on January 18, 2009.

Loving him has been the challenge of a lifetime. I think there is something to be said about the relationship dynamics of mates who are both oldest children. According to Women's Day:

The ultimate political power couple, two firstborns, is a classic combination of control, dominance and striving. Two firstborns often butt heads, says Cane, because both want to be in control of every situation. “They may fight over what movie to see, how to raise the children, where to live.” All relationships have these issues, of course, but these two strong personalities, used to getting their own way, may feel them more intensely. Source

COMPROMISE has been the key to getting over many hurdles in our relationship. This past year has been the most chaotic and turbulent for us as a couple. It's been a true testament to UNCONDITIONAL love and compromise, and just understanding that our end goals are the same. Like I always say, you have to go through some heavy shit (my last curse, because my sister says I cuss too much) in order to truly experience life and love to its maximum capabilities. Many will disagree with this sentiment, but the proof is in the pudding. As long as you keep it on the Wheel of Equality and maintain a healthy nonviolent relationship things will be productive (the reference is to a workshop on Healthy Teen Relationships I just had with my students). The key is shared responsibilty, negotiation and fairness, RESPECT, trust and support, non-threatening behavior, ECONOMIC partnership, HONESTY and accountability, and RESPONSIBLE parenting.  

 

 

As a math teacher and lover of science I'll relate our sixth year of marriage to Newton's three laws of motion.
 

Law one states an object will continue to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by an external force. The eighteen month process of selling our house came to a head towards the middle of the year. It required us to pack nine years of our life in a sixteen foot  POD in two weeks and vacate our home. All while finishing our school year, launching my new company, and managing two little ones. Oh I forgot to mention we moved into a one bedroom apartement. YES hunty! Close to 3,000 square feet to 600! Before deciding on the apartment we wrote down S.M.A.R.T goals for the next 36 months. S.M.A.R.T goals are definited as goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time- bound. These goals have kept us focused and moving with a constant speed in the direction of house number two, in spite of any bumps and hurdles.

 

Law two states that the more force acting on an object, the more the object will accelerate. Our driving force for 2014 was to sell our house and begin the process of acquiring our "dream house". We pushed the limits of our comfort zones by moving into a one bedroom, but it was a sacrifice that was vital to ensuring our goal of a second house. Thankfully our children as small and don't require their own personal space, so it works. With cheap rent and no more house related expenses we are accelerating to reaching new heights.

 

Law three states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Oh how we've learned this one! The months before our big move we contemplated taking the easy route and just stop paying the mortgage and let the bank dictate what was to become of us. After researching the many outcomes of such an action we chose to start the process of a short sale. We kept in mind that our mortgage was underwater and our hands were tied. We knew without a doubt that we did not want our children to grow up in our current "neighborhood", primarily due to the ever increasing taxes and poor schools. The action was an upsetting move, the reaction was a great burden being lifted from our shoulders in the way of true financial freedom. 

 

We welcomed 2015 with open hearts and ready to face the challenges of a new year. I truly feel privileged and favored to have such a loyal, supportive guy by my side. Birth order and all. Cheers to another year of marriage!

Our Visit to Thomas Edison National Historical Park

Being a historical fact finder and interested in anything to do with people of African descent I decided the family should visit Thomas Edison's home and laboratory. What I know of Edison was that he used the U.S. Patent office to take the credit for many inventions he himself did not produce. I wanted to see how this National Historical Park would portray him (factually or fictionally) and I was curious to see if any mention of Lewis H. Latimer would be on display. Welp . . . you can probably guess the answer to that one . . . nope. Who is Latimer you say? Well he was an amazing, Renaissance man who helped create the electric industry as we know it in the 21st century. He was also a Black man living in the late 19th century. 

 

Let's give a list of Latimer's contribution to the world:

  • Was the draftsman who drew the blueprints for Alexander Graham Bell’s telephone in 1878. Source
  • Three years later, in 1881, he and assistant Joseph Nichols were the first persons to receive a patent for the direct forerunner to today’s commonly used light bulb. Prior to this, the electric lamp by Thomas Edison and others had no real practical use because it could not emit light for an extended period. But the new light bulb by Latimer (with assistant Nichols) used a revolutionary method of manufacturing carbon filaments that produced light for effectively extended periods. It was because of this ingenious invention that Latimer was asked by numerous countries, states, and cities — including Philadelphia — to write an instruction manual (which he did in 1890) and to supervise the installation of incandescent light plants. In addition, it is quite interesting that he was the original draftsman for Edison (inventor of the 1879 temporary electric lamp) who relied on Latimer as the expert witness in Edison’s patent infringement suit. Source

 

  • In 1890, Latimer published a book entitled Incandescent Electric Lighting: A Practical Description of the Edison System.

 

  • “Latimer invented and patented a process for making carbon filaments for light bulbs,” and helped install broad-scale lighting systems for New York City, Philadelphia, Montreal, and London. Latimer holds the patents for the electric lamp, issued in 1881, and for the “process of manufacturing carbons” (the filament used in incandescent light bulbs), issued in 1882. Source

 

 Needless to say, in negating his existence the powers that be continue the notion that Blacks Lives truly Don't Matter, even when the evidence and history proves otherwise. As I walked through Glenmont, Edison's home, I wondered how often Latimer and his family were able to dine in such a fine home. Also, was Latimer able to live just as lavishly, being the master draftsmen and all. Question, if you can draw the plan and write a book about it, how is someone else allowed to take credit for it?! Anyway, the girls had a blast and once they are older I will tell them the story of Latimer and Tesla as well. 

 

Halloween 2014

For Halloween this year we ventured to South Orange for trick-or-treating. This was the girls' first experience dressing up in costume and going door-to-door. It was extremely windy, but they seemed oblivious to the climate. 

 

SJ was an Indian princess.

CC was a Penn State cheerleader.

Thanks PopPop for the cheerleading custome

 

 

 

My Visit to Flushing, Queens

My coworkers decided to visit Flushing in search of the best pork dumpling from one of the various food vendors in Flushing. They did the research on Yelp and off we went on the 7 train to the last stop in Queens.

We started our journey at Long Island City's Court Square stop and went to Flushing-Main Street.

After an uneventful forty minute ride we exited the train station to the sites of fruit stands, crowded sidewalks, and Asian language storefront signs.
 

Mrs. Bag Lady: I can't go anywhere with out at least three bags.

After trekking to street stalls we settled at the Crazy Cab for wine and more good eats.

As you see my protective style for the summer was a donut bun at the top of my head. I attempted to do other styles, but this was the easiest.

The Burmese Salad was great!

 

 

 

 

 

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome and My Classroom

Our school year is coming to a close and the summer break is finally on the horizon. As I reflect on my "teaching" year all I can do is shake my head. I'm shaking my head to rid myself of the negative thoughts and feelings about my effectiveness as a teacher in my current assignment. This was a challenging year. I have reached my tolerance level for the classroom. What I mean is I no longer feel I can do my job effectively without loosing a part of myself. My job is no longer psychologically safe for me. The students I "teach" are so in need of so many things . . . loving parents, educational advocates, a warm bed, therapist, and psychologist. As I think about the behaviors that many of them exhibit I reflect on Dr. DeGruy research. My work in my school always leads me to think about this research. Dr. DeGruy. She developed a term called Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. 

WHAT IS P.T.S.S.?
P.T.S.S. is a theory that explains the etiology of many of the adaptive survival behaviors in African American communities throughout the United States and the Diaspora. It is a condition that exists as a consequence of multigenerational oppression of Africans and their descendants resulting from centuries of chattel slavery. A form of slavery which was predicated on the belief that African Americans were inherently/genetically inferior to whites. This was then followed by institutionalized racism which continues to perpetuate injury.

Thus, resulting in M.A.P.:

  • M: Multigenerational trauma together with continued oppression;
  • A: Absence of opportunity to heal or access the benefits available in the society; leads to
  • P: Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. {Source}

Under such circumstances these are some of the predictable patterns of behavior that tend to occur {all of which I see in my students on a daily basis}:

KEY PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR REFLECTIVE OF P.T.S.S.

 Vacant Esteem

 

 Insufficient development of what Dr. DeGruy refers to as primary esteem, along with feelings of hopelessness, depression and a general self destructive outlook.


Marked Propensity for Anger and Violence
Extreme feelings of suspicion perceived negative motivations of others. Violence against self, property and others, including the members of one’s own group, i.e. friends, relatives, or acquaintances.


Racist Socialization and (internalized racism)
Learned Helplessness, literacy deprivation, distorted self-concept, antipathy or aversion for the following:

  • The members of ones own identified cultural/ethnic group,
  • The mores and customs associated ones own identified cultural/ethnic heritage,
  • The physical characteristics of ones own identified cultural/ethnic group.

 

Below is a video of a lecture in which Dr. DeGruy discusses her research:

Visit to the Green Festival 2014

We ventured into the City to attend the Green Festival at Pier 94. The Festival is "America's Largest and Longest-Running Sustainability and Green Living Event". The mission and vision of the Festival 

Mission and Vision:

Green Festival is inspiring and empowering consumers, communities and businesses to work green, play green and live green.

At Green Festival, we are committed to:

  • Showcasing the best and latest green products and services in the market
  • Making ‘green’ practical, viable and accessible to everyone by promoting sustainability in everyday life choices and actions
  • Providing the ultimate marketplace for green brands and consumers who want to integrate sustainability into their lives
  • Striving to be a zero-waste marketplace where consumers can be assured that companies are committed to environmental sustainability
  • Representing a diverse, sustainable community that is socially and environmentally responsible
  • Encouraging companies to adopt green and fair trade principles through Green America’s certification process
  • Supporting vegan-vegetarian diets that are focused on organic, non-GMO and local artisanal foods as part of a healthy and sustainable lifestyle
  • Serving as a launching pad for Corporate Social Responsibility efforts and consumer programs in sustainability

 

Happy Birthday 2 Me!

Today I opened my eyes (at 4:09 am) and my first thought was to thank the Creator for my life. A life I have purposely structured (as an adult), guided by hard work, optimism, and love. In my 33 years of life the hardest lessons for me to learn centered around me accepting myself as simply, Onida LM Haskett-Cruz.

 

Let me explain, I've never had low self-esteem or confidence issues, I am referring to my acceptance of  the fact that I am more than a lot of people are used to. Not to be conceited or narcissistic in anyway, but it's the truth. No longer do I try to "fit" in or stifle myself to be more like everyone else. How I see it most people are just complacent with being average, so they do average shit then throw shade at you for doing more. You feel me?! I will always be that person that is "Doing To Much" or "Overly Ambitious" or "Busy". Why because when my last day is on the horizon I want my loved ones to know and see that I was never afraid of change and I always did exactly what I dreamed of doing. Mama got dreams to fulfill and a mission to accomplish.  

 

This birthday commemorates my fifteenth year as an adult. I looked back at my journal from 1999 and read the goals I had for myself. As is my nature, I accomplished most of them with the exception of being a millionaire by age 35 and learning to speak fluent Spanish and Japanese {working on Spanish goal}. Birthdays always make me feel nostalgic and hypersensitive, mainly because my loved ones make each one very special for me. In this life of  constant struggle and strife I have been blessed. Blessed to have the support of an amazing family. Blessed to have the love and loyalty of an amazing husband who make me feel "so God damn fine". And blessed with my greatest accomplishments to date, my precious baby girls. Happiness is truly a journey and I am walking on the road. Life is truly what you make it and I'm making mine as outstanding as I can. My anthem for the last couple of months has been "Flawless" by Beyonce. In the world of one of my students, this song "Gives Me Life".

 

33 is a grand old age. It is considered Christ's number because he died at this age. According to numerology, it is often thought to be a powerful and mystical number. The life path of 33:

People with the life path of 33 are born to lead others in an influential manner. Their view of the world is what others will aspire to. The life path of 33 can influence a person toward being a teacher, pastor, an author or some other form of educator. Some people will look at those with a 33 life path as a messiah to their life. The number is most powerful in the manner that it can uplift others. Some refer to the number as the "sunshine on a rainy day" or the "silver lining in a cloud". The life path brings wisdom beyond age and a devotion to inspiring others. Source

 

Be blessed and Happy Birthday to Me! I'll sip a strawberry mojito and eat a box of Trader Joe's macaroons in honor of being 33.

turning 24

Turning 25

Turning 27

Turning 28Turning 29

Turning 30Turning 31Turning 32

CC is One!!

Our little CC is one year old! Time has gotten away from us and before we knew it our little one went from a baby to a screaming, bubbly toddler in a blink of an eye. I feel bad because I haven't even planned her first birthday party yet. In the next two weeks I will get something together for her, I'm thinking a beach themed soiree. 

SJ is 3!! -- Part One

SJ celebrated her third birthday yesterday. We kept it simple this year and hosted her party at your nursery school. I went to the Christmas Tree Shop ans basically purchased all of their Easter themed decor items. The theme 

The party favors where macarons I purchased from Trader Joe's. I placed two in a plastic container for each 

Four days before her party I started the process of these Jello cups. The kids like these better than the cupcakes. 

More pictures to come. . .

Happy 5th Anniversary to Us!

D and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary over the MLK holiday weekend. My original plan was a host an intimate dinner for our closest friends and family, but I got sidetracked by life {smiles} and never planned anything. Instead we dressed up, sent the kids to Bisabuela's house, and went to a fancy restaurant on the Hudson River. 

Tradition tells us for the fifth wedding anniversary a gift of wood should be given. "The strength of your marriage bond is represented by the traditional gift of wood for your 5th anniversary. Wood is strong and long-lasting" {Source}. 

As I mentioned, we dropped off the girls off to their bisabuela's apartment and headed to West New York to Son Cubano's for dinner. The atmosphere was amorous with the skyline of Manhattan as a backdrop, I just wish the food was more flavorful. We won't be going there again because we expect more from Cuban cuisine. The chef has definitely watered down their menu to appeal to people with a less sophisticated palate. In spite of the bland food, dessert was great as well as the mojitos. 


I purchased D a gift card for MySuit, a made-to-measure mensware store in NYC. He purchased me a new car, an BMW X3. Yeah I know a huge difference in price. What can I say he likes to go big! I have to get used to driving a SUV.

 

 Besides celebrating our anniversary I hosted my goddaughter's Sweet 16 Slumber Party. We spent the day in NYC, then headed to Secaucus to the Embassy Suites Hotel. It was fun hanging with teenagers who truly act their ages and have been sheltered from the harsh realities of life (i.e., the students I teach).


My Modified Paleo-Raw Diet

During my first pregnancy I gained only 20 pounds. Less then two months after I ballooned to 175 pounds, fifteen pounds more than when I was 9 months pregnant. During the first nine months of being a parent I was bombarded with so much I ate all the wrong things and it resulted in a massive weight gain. I was the heaviest I have been in my life and it was not pleasant. The added weight had a trememdous psychological effect on me. I stopped buying clothes, shoes, and focused my effects on SJ. I was wearing a size 12 and it was too much for me to handle. I didn't like how my body looked and the added weight was making me lethargic and depressed. It took me a year to get out of my funk and take the fitness training serious, especially because we decided to have baby number two.

 

As a result of this I was super cautious during my pregnancy and post partum period with CC. The biggest change was cooking. Instead of spending money eating out 4-5 times a week I started to cook. This was the single most influential factor in me losing the weight. We have always eaten organic, wholesome foods, but I added the elements of raw foods and juicing into my diet. I decided that eating 50-60% raw foods in each meal would be the best way for me to slim down without excercise. Using Pinterest I select recipes that made things simple and fast. My daily mantra was I have to get my body back in less then 9 months. I accomplished it in 6 months and I couldn't be happier. Now I need to buy some clothes. 

 

 

Check out my Pinterest Boards for Recipes:

Raw Diet 101

Smoothie + Juicing

Chow + Libation

I'm Organic 4 Life

Sauces + Marinates

 

In a nutshell what I did was:

 

  1. BREASTFEED (exclusively)
  2. Eat lean protein (Chicken + Turkey)-- As much as you can stand , cuts the hunger 
  3. Lots of raw veggies + fruit
  4. High activity level -- with two kids less than 3 this is easy
  5. At least 70 oz of water or organic veggie juice a day

 

 

As you can see it was a slow process. I really didn't notice a change in my size. It wasn't until D told me I was losing too much weight that I got on a scale.

How to Tame a Tantrum 1-2-3

Jesus help me. I am having a very hard time coping with SJ's tantrums. On average she has two a day and during one of them she will pee on herself if you don't coddle her fast enough. I'M NOT READY! She cries for everything! Prior to CC's birth she didn't have any tantrum and the last 9 months she has been making up for lost time. I pray she grows out of this developmental stage quickly and CC just skips right over it.

 

I've been researching how to tame a tantrum and here's what I've arrived upon:

  • Empathize, empathize, empathize. 
  • Avoid the panic response.  
  • Remember to breathe.  
  • Make eye contact.  
  • Show affection.  
  • Offer a snack. 
  • Get some rest.  
  • Water!   
  • Go outside.  
  • Use fun/whimsy/distraction.  

    •  

    Source

     

     

    CC is 8 Months!

    I have a feisty 8 month old who is walking and babbling like she's been here for a year. CC began to walk (10 steps at a time) during the second week of her eighth month. She simply bypassed the whole cruising phase and went from a fast crawl/scoot to standing/walking. She is so petite and fine-boned that its quite a sight to see her walking around getting into things. She has discovered she can open a draw and pull EVERYTHING out of it. She also has an uncanny ability to spot the smallest particle on the floor to place in her mouth. She has her central incisor teeth and her Maxillary teeth have begun to emerge. She has taken to hitting and screaming at her sister to get access to whatever SJ has in her possession. We have been encouraging self-feeding to improve her hand to mouth coordination.

    SJ's Hair Issues

    It has been a labor of love styling, trying to style, SJ's hair. Most times she doesn't want me to touch her hair and if I don't want to have a power struggle with her I just leave her with a two textured afro. We really don't have a hair regime, primarly because SJ's attitude about me doing her hair changes with each day. I only use water, organic shea butter, and a soft brissel brush when I get to style her hair.

     

     

    This is a result of not enough moisture. I began to use the original Pink Oil Moisture lotion and shea butter so I don't have these issues any more. 


    This picture is a result of the pink oil moisturizer and a soft brush.

     

     

    Is It Really Shaken Baby Syndrome?

    On my quest to learn all I can about vaccinations and immunizations I arrived upon an article that links the diagnosis of Shaken Baby Syndrome and the DTaP vaccine. Check it out.

    The connection between vaccines and Shaken Baby Syndrome from Health Wyze:

    Shaken baby syndrome usually occurs when an infant has had lots of help from the medical establishment and he remains too weak to survive the toxic onslaught from vaccines.

    Despite its known risks, the DTP vaccine was sold for use on infants and children for 48 years before the "safer" DTaP formulation was marketed. Wyeth (now Pfizer) blamed the F.D.A. for having an approval process that is too slow, but it was more likely due to the fact that they stalled the process themselves, because DTP is more profitable than DTaP. The newer DTaP vaccine still causes the same brain swelling reaction (encephalitis) that is blamed upon shaken baby syndrome. The biggest change is that it has become illegal to sue vaccine manufacturers, which is an unconstitutional privilege that is shared with no other industry.

    "Human shaking may cause lethal brain stem and cervical spine injuries in a 0-to 2-year-old child, as the forces necessary for these injuries are well below the level needed for fatal brain injuries and are consistent with the forces that can be produced in shaking."

    -- Chris Van Ee, Ph.D., Injury Biomechanics Researcher

    There is strong evidence that it is impossible to induce the type of brain injury that is found in cases of shaken baby syndrome without first causing extreme neck and spinal injuries. However, spinal injuries are virtually never seen in these cases of alleged abuse.

    An analysis of available shaken baby syndrome cases reveals two distinct patterns: 

        • The infant was usually delivered prematurely, or there were other complications during pregnancy, and the delivery supposedly required medical "help".
        • The symptoms almost always appear within 15 days of vaccinations, and the overwhelming majority of cases happened within 10 days of vaccinations. A surprisingly high percentage of shaken baby cases were within 2 days of vaccinations.

    Real research into the causes of shaken baby syndrome is lacking, because there can be no controlled studies. Such studies would involve killing infants, or at least exposing them to a very high risk of harm. Nevertheless, lives and families are being destroyed on the basis of fraudulent scientific evidence. The parents of vaccinated children who suffer with encephalitis must be tried for murder; lest the doctors and hospitals be held accountable. The manufacturers have already been legally immune since 1986.

     

    Source: Health Wyze.Org