The List: All About Me

Last week I read a blog post on my Google feed and the author created a post focused about "The List". This list offered 24 writing prompts that allowed her reader to get to know her better. I decided to copy and the list and do it myself, so here goes. 

THE LIST:


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

3. What are 5 passions you have?
4. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. Describe your relationship with your spouse.

7. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
8. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.


9. Describe a typical day in your current life.
10. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. Describe 5 strengths you have

11. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one.
12. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?


13. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
14. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?

15. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

16. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

17. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
18. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
19. Describe your relationship with your parents.


20.  What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
21. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?


22. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
23. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
24. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

What are 5 passions you have?

Very much like my Scorpio husband, I am passionate about things that bring social change to this world, hence the reason I'm an educator. I wouldn't call myself a zealous supporter of any one cause, I am too much of a loner for that, but there are things I will get uptight and augmentative about.  These things are my five passions (a) My Husband + Marriage, (b)My Children, (c) My Family, (d) Education for Black and Brown Students, and (e) Multicultural Awareness.

In an ideal world my family and I (immediate and extended) would live on a compound of 1,000 acres in the hills of Georgia Maryland, together as a strong unit. I was raised to have an unwavering faith in the strength of my immediate family. I believe when the world has forsaken you, your family will always be there to help you pick up the pieces. This may attribute to the small number of friends I have, because my family is enough. 

 

Thirteen years ago my husband and I made a commitment to one another. We committed to be each other's biggest supporters, honest, and faithful to each other. Throw into the mix a four year marriage and 2 children, we are still going strong. Many attribute their successful relationships to God and having faith in the Lord. Well I can't do that because my husband is a non-believer and I don't rely to heavily on the power of supreme beings. The key to our success has been an unwavering dedication to each other and in the words of many . . . "keepin' it real!" with one another. We are definitely hyper-critical of each other and never hold our tongues when there is something that worries us. Our motto is plastered in the foyer of our home. It reads: "In this house we do real, we do mistakes, we do I'm sorry, we do second chances, we do fun, we do hugs, we do forgiveness, we do really loud, we do family, we do love."  The foundation of our relationship has always and will be LOVE.

My greatest accomplishment and motivation has been my children. I've always been a self-motivated, over-achiever but I've definitely taken it up a notch since becoming a mother. Being a planner, planning my life 5 years at a time (yeah I know a bit much but that's Onida). Now it's a 20 year plan broken into three year increments. I'm a beast when it comes to this, but I feel without a plan failure is too easily on the horizon. 

 

I've been a New York City math teacher for close to ten years. Its been my way of giving back to a disenfranchised community. For me education should be purposeful and insightful. Education should be personal.  Education should be interdependent and fun. Education should be progressive. Education should be empowering. I feel I have a commitment to help improve and be the voice for under-privilege students that would otherwise have no voice. I am in the business to improve the life of the next generation so when my kids grow up a more positive environment will surround them. It’s all about creating a continuous cycle of positivity and instilling in students that education is the foundation for their future and that there is strength in education. I am trying to improve the quality of existence for minorities in this country, one student at a time. This has been my mission.

 

My husband says I talk about race tOo much and that I am hyper sensitive to issues of racism and prejudice. Well I can't help it, its how my parents raised me. I don't think I am super sensitive, just that most people are in denial about issues of race. D and I have arousing discussions about raising children that are of mixed ethnicities. To yank his chain I always say to him, "Latino is not a race". I want to raise our girls to be aware of their racial identities and be conscious of race matters. D feels we shouldn't emphasize race and just let them be. We've agreed to disagree for the moment. To not be overt in my efforts to educate our girls, we agreed on making them world travelers and avid readers to ensure they have multicultural awareness.


Happy Father's Day: Statistics of a Fatherless America {long}

Growing up my sisters and I were part of the minority of African American children with both parents in the household. My husband and father didn't have long-term relationships with their fathers, in spite of this they are excellent fathers. D has only had twenty-six months of experience, but he's made a vow to not continue the cycle as my father did over 33 years ago. For D, the first step to breaking the cycle of single-parenthood was to marry me. This vital step (1) ensured our family's stability, (2) broke the cycle of poverty often associated with single parent households, and  (3) gives our daughters a living, breathing example of a successful marriage. My parents were worried we would continue to shack up, but they didn't need to fret because marry was our ultimate goal. We purchased a house, lived together for five years before marriage so I can understand there concerns.

"Today, one-third of American children – a total of 15 million – are being raised without a father. The majority of black children nationwide – 54 percent – are being raised by single mothers. In all but eleven states, most black children do not live with both parents. In every state, 70 percent of white children do. In all but two states, most Hispanic children do." {source}

It's a sad state of affairs. And the problem just seems to get worse. Mentalities about marriage and family need to change, particularly for African American girls in this country. They need to see examples of successful African American marriages and not be bombarded with images of being a fly baby mama. Being a baby mama is never something to aspire to become, but they haven't received the memo.

Found this website wanted to share . . .

Sexual activity. In a study of 700 adolescents, researchers found that "compared to families with two natural parents living in the home, adolescents from single-parent families have been found to engage in greater and earlier sexual activity."

Source: Carol W. Metzler, et al. "The Social Context for Risky Sexual Behavior Among Adolescents," Journal of Behavioral Medicine17 (1994).

A myriad of maladies. Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.

Drinking problems. Teenagers living in single-parent households are more likely to abuse alcohol and at an earlier age compared to children reared in two-parent households

Source: Terry E. Duncan, Susan C. Duncan and Hyman Hops, "The Effects of Family Cohesiveness and Peer Encouragement on the Development of Adolescent Alcohol Use: A Cohort-Sequential Approach to the Analysis of Longitudinal Data,"Journal of Studies on Alcohol 55 (1994).

Drug Use: "...the absence of the father in the home affects significantly the behavior of adolescents and results in the greater use of alcohol and marijuana."

Source: Deane Scott Berman, "Risk Factors Leading to Adolescent Substance Abuse," Adolescence 30 (1995)

Sexual abuse. A study of 156 victims of child sexual abuse found that the majority of the children came from disrupted or single-parent homes; only 31 percent of the children lived with both biological parents. Although stepfamilies make up only about 10 percent of all families, 27 percent of the abused children lived with either a stepfather or the mother's boyfriend.

Source: Beverly Gomes-Schwartz, Jonathan Horowitz, and Albert P. Cardarelli, "Child Sexual Abuse Victims and Their Treatment," U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

Child Abuse. Researchers in Michigan determined that "49 percent of all child abuse cases are committed by single mothers."

Source: Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay, "A Study of Child Abuse in Lansing, Michigan," Child Abuse and Neglect, 8 (1984).

Deadly predictions. A family structure index -- a composite index based on the annual rate of children involved in divorce and the percentage of families with children present that are female-headed -- is a strong predictor of suicide among young adult and adolescent white males.

Source: Patricia L. McCall and Kenneth C. Land, "Trends in White Male Adolescent, Young-Adult and Elderly Suicide: Are There Common Underlying Structural Factors?" Social Science Research 23, 1994.

High risk. Fatherless children are at dramatically greater risk of suicide.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health,Washington, DC, 1993.

Suicidal Tendencies. In a study of 146 adolescent friends of 26 adolescent suicide victims, teens living in single-parent families are not only more likely to commit suicide but also more likely to suffer from psychological disorders, when compared to teens living in intact families.

Source: David A. Brent, et al. "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder in Peers of Adolescent Suicide Victims: Predisposing Factors and Phenomenology." Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 34, 1995.

Confused identities. Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.

Source: P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press, 1984.

Psychiatric Problems. In 1988, a study of preschool children admitted to New Orleans hospitals as psychiatric patients over a 34-month period found that nearly 80 percent came from fatherless homes.

Source: Jack Block, et al. "Parental Functioning and the Home Environment in Families of Divorce," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 27 (1988)

Emotional distress. Children living with a never-married mother are more likely to have been treated for emotional problems.

Source: L. Remez, "Children Who Don't Live with Both Parents Face Behavioral Problems," Family Planning Perspectives(January/February 1992).

Uncooperative kids. Children reared by a divorced or never-married mother are less cooperative and score lower on tests of intelligence than children reared in intact families. Statistical analysis of the behavior and intelligence of these children revealed "significant detrimental effects" of living in a female-headed household. Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income.

Source: Greg L. Duncan, Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Pamela Kato Klebanov, "Economic Deprivation and Early Childhood Development," Child Development 65 (1994).

Unstable families, unstable lives. Compared to peers in two-parent homes, black children in single-parent households are more likely to engage in troublesome behavior, and perform poorly in school.

Source: Tom Luster and Hariette Pipes McAdoo, "Factors Related to the Achievement and Adjustment of Young African-American Children." Child Development 65 (1994): 1080-1094

Beyond class lines. Even controlling for variations across groups in parent education, race and other child and family factors, 18- to 22-year-olds from disrupted families were twice as likely to have poor relationships with their mothers and fathers, to show high levels of emotional distress or problem behavior, [and] to have received psychological help.

Source: Nicholas Zill, Donna Morrison, and Mary Jo Coiro, "Long Term Effects of Parental Divorce on Parent-Child Relationships, Adjustment and Achievement in Young Adulthood." Journal of Family Psychology 7 (1993).

Fatherly influence. Children with fathers at home tend to do better in school, are less prone to depression and are more successful in relationships. Children from one-parent families achieve less and get into trouble more than children from two parent families.

Source: One Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most Significant Minority, conducted by The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children from One Parent Families, co sponsored by the National Association of Elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the Charles F. Kettering Foundation, Arlington, VA., 1980

Divorce disorders. Children whose parents separate are significantly more likely to engage in early sexual activity, abuse drugs, and experience conduct and mood disorders. This effect is especially strong for children whose parents separated when they were five years old or younger.

Source: David M. Fergusson, John Horwood and Michael T. Lynsky, "Parental Separation, Adolescent Psychopathology, and Problem Behaviors," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 33 (1944).

Troubled marriages, troubled kids. Compared to peers living with both biological parents, sons and daughters of divorced or separated parents exhibited significantly more conduct problems. Daughters of divorced or separated mothers evidenced significantly higher rates of internalizing problems, such as anxiety or depression.

Source: Denise B. Kandel, Emily Rosenbaum and Kevin Chen, "Impact of Maternal Drug Use and Life Experiences on Preadolescent Children Born to Teenage Mothers," Journal of Marriage and the Family56 (1994).

Hungry for love. "Father hunger" often afflicts boys age one and two whose fathers are suddenly and permanently absent. Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and night terrors frequently begin within one to three months after the father leaves home.

Source: Alfred A. Messer, "Boys Father Hunger: The Missing Father Syndrome," Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, January 1989.

Disturbing news: Children of never-married mothers are more than twice as likely to have been treated for an emotional or behavioral problem.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, National Health Interview Survey, Hyattsille, MD, 1988

Poor and in trouble: A 1988 Department of Health and Human Services study found that at every income level except the very highest (over $50,000 a year), children living with never-married mothers were more likely than their counterparts in two-parent families to have been expelled or suspended from school, to display emotional problems, and to engage in antisocial behavior.

Source: James Q. Wilson, "In Loco Parentis: Helping Children When Families Fail Them," The Brookings Review, Fall 1993.

Fatherless aggression: In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed "greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households."

Source: N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, "Household Family Structure and Children's Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children," Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

Act now, pay later: "Children from mother-only families have less of an ability to delay gratification and poorer impulse control (that is, control over anger and sexual gratification.) These children also have a weaker sense of conscience or sense of right and wrong."

Source: E.M. Hetherington and B. Martin, "Family Interaction" in H.C. Quay and J.S. Werry (eds.), Psychopathological Disorders of Childhood. (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1979)

Crazy victims: Eighty percent of adolescents in psychiatric hospitals come from broken homes.

Source: J.B. Elshtain, "Family Matters...", Christian Century, July 1993.

Duh to dead: "The economic consequences of a [father's] absence are often accompanied by psychological consequences, which include higher-than-average levels of youth suicide, low intellectual and education performance, and higher-than-average rates of mental illness, violence and drug use."

Source: William Galston, Elaine Kamarck. Progressive Policy Institute. 1993

Expelled: Nationally, 15.3 percent of children living with a never-married mother and 10.7 percent of children living with a divorced mother have been expelled or suspended from school, compared to only 4.4 percent of children living with both biological parents.

Source: Debra Dawson, "Family Structure...", Journal of Marriage and Family, No. 53. 1991.

Violent rejection: Kids who exhibited violent behavior at school were 11 times as likely not to live with their fathers and six times as likely to have parents who were not married. Boys from families with absent fathers are at higher risk for violent behavior than boys from intact families.

Source: J.L. Sheline (et al.), "Risk Factors...", American Journal of Public Health, No. 84. 1994.

That crowd: Children without fathers or with stepfathers were less likely to have friends who think it's important to behave properly in school. They also exhibit more problems with behavior and in achieving goals.

Source: Nicholas Zill, C. W. Nord, "Running in Place," Child Trends, Inc. 1994.

Likeliest to succeed: Kids who live with both biological parents at age 14 are significantly more likely to graduate from high school than those kids who live with a single parent, a parent and step-parent, or neither parent.

Source: G.D. Sandefur (et al.), "The Effects of Parental Marital Status...", Social Forces, September 1992.

Worse to bad: Children in single-parent families tend to score lower on standardized tests and to receive lower grades in school. Children in single-parent families are nearly twice as likely to drop out of school as children from two-parent families.

Source: J.B. Stedman (et al.), "Dropping Out," Congressional Research Service Report No 88-417. 1988.

College odds: Children from disrupted families are 20 percent more unlikely to attend college than kids from intact, two-parent families.

Source: J. Wallerstein, Family Law Quarterly, 20. (Summer 1986)

On their own: Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families.

Source: N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, Americican Sociological Review, No. 56 (1991)

Double-risk: Fatherless children -- kids living in homes without a stepfather or without contact with their biological father -- are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Source: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Survey on Child Health. (1993)

Repeat, repeat: Nationally, 29.7 percent of children living with a never-married mother and 21.5 percent of children living with a divorced mother have repeated at least one grade in school, compared to 11.6 percent of children living with both biological parents.

Source: Debra Dawson, "Family Structure and Children's Well-Being," Journals of Marriage and Family, No. 53. (1991).

Underpaid high achievers: Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes.

Source: "One-Parent Families and Their Children;" Charles F. Kettering Foundation (1990).

Dadless and dumb: At least one-third of children experiencing a parental separation "demonstrated a significant decline in academic performance" persisting at least three years.

Source: L.M.C. Bisnairs (et al.), American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, no. 60 (1990)

Son of Solo: According to a recent study of young, non-custodial fathers who are behind on child support payments, less than half of these men were living with their own father at age 14.

Slip-sliding: Among black children between the ages of 6 to 9 years old, black children in mother-only households scored significantly lower on tests of intellectual ability, than black children living with two parents.

Source: Luster and McAdoo, Child Development 65. 1994.

Dadless dropouts: After taking into account race, socio-economic status, sex, age and ability, high school students from single-parent households were 1.7 times more likely to drop out than were their corresponding counterparts living with both biological parents.

Source: Ralph McNeal, Sociology of Education 88. 1995.

Takes two: Families in which both the child's biological or adoptive parents are present in the household show significantly higher levels of parental involvement in the child's school activities than do mother-only families or step-families.

Source: Zill and Nord, "Running in Place." Child Trends. 1994

Con garden: Forty-three percent of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household -- 39 percent with their mothers, 4 percent with their fathers -- and an additional 14 percent lived in households without either biological parent. Another 14 percent had spent at last part of their childhood in a foster home, agency or other juvenile institution.

Source: US Bureau of Justice Statistics, Survey of State Prison Inmates. 1991

Criminal moms, criminal kids: The children of single teenage mothers are more at risk for later criminal behavior. In the case of a teenage mother, the absence of a father also increases the risk of harshness from the mother.

Source: M. Mourash, L. Rucker, Crime and Delinquency 35. 1989.

Rearing rapists: Seventy-two percent of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers. Sixty percent of America's rapists grew up the same way.

Source: D. Cornell (et al.), Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 5. 1987. And N. Davidson, "Life Without Father," Policy Review. 1990.

Crime and poverty: The proportion of single-parent households in a community predicts its rate of violent crime and burglary, but the community's poverty level does not.

Source: D.A. Smith and G.R. Jarjoura, "Social Structure and Criminal Victimization," Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency25. 1988.

Marriage matters: Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married.

Source: Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services, April 1994.

No good time: Compared to boys from intact, two-parent families, teenage boys from disrupted families are not only more likely to be incarcerated for delinquent offenses, but also to manifest worse conduct while incarcerated.

Source: M Eileen Matlock et al., "Family Correlates of Social Skills..." Adolescence 29. 1994.

Count 'em: Seventy percent of juveniles in state reform institutions grew up in single- or no-parent situations.

Source: Alan Beck et al., Survey of Youth in Custody, 1987, US Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1988.

The Main Thing: The relationship between family structure and crime is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime. This conclusion shows up time and again in the literature.

Source: E. Kamarck, William Galston, Putting Children First, Progressive Policy Inst. 1990

Examples: Teenage fathers are more likely than their childless peers to commit and be convicted of illegal activity, and their offenses are of a more serious nature.

Source: M.A. Pirog-Good, "Teen Father and the Child Support System," in Paternity Establishment, Institute for research on Poverty, Univ. of Wisconsin. 1992.

The 'hood The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families.

Source: A. Anne Hill, June O'Neill, "Underclass Behaviors in the United States," CUNY, Baruch College. 1993

Bringing the war back home The odds that a boy born in America in 1974 will be murdered are higher than the odds that a serviceman in World War II would be killed in combat.

Source: US Sen. Phil Gramm, 1995

Get ahead at home and at work: Fathers who cared for their children intellectual development and their adolescent's social development were more like to advance in their careers, compared to men who weren't involved in such activities.

Source: J. Snarey, How Fathers Care for the Next Generation.Harvard Univ. Press.

Diaper dads: In 1991, about 20 percent of preschool children were cared for by their fathers -- both married and single. In 1988, the number was 15 percent.

Source: M. O'Connell, "Where's Papa? Father's Role in Child Care," Population Reference Bureau. 1993.

Without leave: Sixty-three percent of 1500 CEOs and human resource directors said it was not reasonable for a father to take a leave after the birth of a child.

Source: J.H. Pleck, "Family Supportive Employer Policies," Center for research in Women. 1991.

Get a job: The number of men who complain that work conflicts with their family responsibilities rose from 12 percent in 1977 to 72 percent in 1989. Meanwhile, 74 percent of men prefer a "daddy track" job to a "fast track" job.

Source: James Levine, The Fatherhood Project.

Long-distance dads: Twenty-six percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children.

Source: US Bureau of the Census, Statistical Brief . 1991.

Cool Dad of the Week: Among fathers who maintain contact with their children after a divorce, the pattern of the relationship between father-and-child changes. They begin to behave more like relatives than like parents. Instead of helping with homework, nonresident dads are more likely to take the kids shopping, to the movies, or out to dinner. Instead of providing steady advice and guidance, divorced fathers become "treat dads."

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families . Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Older's not wiser: While 57 percent of unwed dads with kids no older than two visit their children more than once a week, by the time the kid's seven and a half, only 23 percent are in frequent contact with their children.

Source: R. Lerman and Theodora Ooms, Young Unwed Fathers . 1993.

Ten years after: Ten years after the breakup of a marriage, more than two-thirds of kids report not having seen their father for a year.

Source: National Commission on Children, Speaking of Kids. 1991.

No such address: More than half the kids who don't live with their father have never been in their father's house.

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Dadless years: About 40 percent of the kids living in fatherless homes haven't seen their dads in a year or more. Of the rest, only one in five sleeps even one night a month at the father's home. And only one in six sees their father once or more per week.

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Measuring up? According to a 1992 Gallup poll, more than 50 percent of all adults agreed that fathers today spend less time with their kids than their fathers did with them.

Source: Gallup national random sample conducted for the National Center for Fathering, April 1992.

Father unknown. Of kids living in single-mom households, 35 percent never see their fathers, and another 24 percent see their fathers less than once a month.

Source: J.A. Selzer, "Children's Contact with Absent Parents," Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50 (1988).

Missed contact: In a study of 304 young adults, those whose parents divorced after they left home had significantly less contact with their fathers than adult children who parents remained married. Weekly contact with their children dropped from 78 percent for still-married fathers to 44 percent for divorced fathers.

Source: William Aquilino, "Later Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," Journal of Marriage and the Family 56. 1994.

Commercial breaks: The amount of time a father spends with his child -- one-on-one -- averages less than 10 minutes a day.

Source: J. P. Robinson, et al., "The Rhythm of Everyday Life." Westview Press. 1988

High risk: Overall, more than 75 percent of American children are at risk because of paternal deprivation. Even in two-parent homes, fewer than 25 percent of young boys and girls experience an average of at least one hour a day of relatively individualized contact with their fathers.

Source: Henry Biller, "The Father Factor..." a paper based on presentations during meetings with William Galston, Deputy Director, Domestic Policy, Clinton White House, December 1993 and April 1994.

Knock, knock: Of children age 5 to 14, 1.6 million return home to houses where there is no adult present.

Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census, "Who's Minding the Kids?" Statistical Brief. April 1994.

Who said talk's cheap? Almost 20 percent of sixth- through twelfth-graders have not had a good conversation lasting for at least 10 minutes with at least one of their parents in more than a month.

Source: Peter Benson, "The Troubled Journey." Search Institute. 1993.

Justified guilt. A 1990 L.A. Times poll found that 57 percent of all fathers and 55 percent of all mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children.

Source: Lynn Smith and Bob Sipchen, "Two Career Family Dilemma," Los Angeles Times, Aug. 12, 1990.

Who are you, mister? In 1965, parents on average spent approximately 30 hours a week with their kids. By 1985, the amount of time had fallen to 17 hours.

Source: William Mattox, "The Parent Trap." Policy Review. Winter, 1991.

Waiting Works: Only eight percent of those who finished high school, got married before having a child, and waited until age 20 to have that child were living in poverty in 1992.

Source: William Galston, "Beyond the Murphy Brown Debate." Institute for Family Values. Dec. 10, 1993.

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.)
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children.)
70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)
Original Source here

Father's Day Salute

27 months ago my husband became a father. In this short amount of time I have watched him accomplish and master a goal many with his background walk away from. Not having an example of what a good father and husband are didn't deter him. I often sit in amazement at how he loves our children so strongly and without reservations. How can he do this without any lasting memories of a man loving his offspring as a child? It's intrinsic! I always wondered how a man that endures your labor and delivery with you could ever abandon his child? I mean after seeing his woman's body expand and expel such a miracle, a miracle he helped to fertilize, how could you not put in the work to ensure the seed of his loins has the very best of everything? I love how D is resolute in his conviction to be the polar opposite of his father? This conscious decision has confirmed that his family name will thrive and continue in a wholesome, health way.

In the words of the tattoo on my back, "love never loses its way home". He and I worked overtime in the begining of our relationship to build an impenetrable foundation based on TRUE LOVE. A foundation that allows us to cuss, fuss, and argue but love just as hard and passionately. We had eleven years worth of mistakes and revisions before we were blessed with our eldest daughter. I offer these words of wisdom to all young women out there looking for their life partners:
  • Indeed love should not hurt, but being in a loving relationship will be hard and full of challenges. As long as you have reciprocity and respect you will be able to work through anything.
  • Let your man know you appreciate him with your words and actions.
  • Choose a man who you would want your son to emulate.
The "I haven't gotten any sleep in four days".
Two Year Old Drama

 

My New Juicer

My latest household purchase was a new juicer.  It was only $44.99 on Groupon.

 

Cookinex Kung Fu Master Electric Juice Extractor B00AL48SEU

The Specs:

  • Powerful 400W Motors
  • 1.5L Pulp Container & 550 Juice Cup
  • 65mm diameter of feeding tube available for juicing whole carrot, Apple, Pear, and more placement
  • Stainless Steel filter basket for much housing
  • Stainless Steel blade assembly

 For SMOOTHIE+JUICING recipes visit my Pinterest board here. Also check out my FOOD INC. board here and RAW DIET board here.

 

New Products To Try

I just received my latest edition of Working Mother magazine and as always I was introduced to many new products. In this puos I will share a few I plan to try out.

 

Currently the girls and I use Shea Moisture's products, specifically the baby oil rub. Some time ago Target had BOGO and I stocked up. Each product is about $9.99 each, I have to supply my home and my mother-in-law's, so this was a great deal.

This stuff smells so good!

I'm always on the look out for vitamins to supplement Lil D's limited food intake. In the magazine I noticed the advert for Carlson for Kids  nutritional supplements. They have a Fish Oil I want to give a try.

 The last discover I found worthy of investigating was a service that allows you to rent-a-toy. The Newark, NJ based company is called Spark Box Toys. They describe their service as "Net Flicks for toys". They offer monthly plans from $23.95 to $35.95 {or yearly service at $249 + $299}. This seems pretty cool and will allow us to save money and alleviate the toy boredom which most kids experience. This is also a great gift for the little ones in your life {Hint, Hint: Aunties and Uncles}.

 

 

 

 

Black Women, Breastfeeding + Cancer

I am embarking on yet another breastfeeding journey with CC. Six weeks in I have pumped over 200 ounces of milk, so I feel very accomplished. The first two weeks of nursing were very hard for me. I never became engorged, due to the pumping, but CC had the hardest time latching and I was super sore. Her latch has improved, some what, but she has been super gassy for the last two weeks. This translates to a very fussy, cry all the time baby. Gripe water has not worked to address the issue, so I've completely changed my diet. IT SUCKS! I cut out all citrus, dairy, legumes and nuts. Basically I'm eating oatmeal or mesclun salad w/ lean chicken breast and drinking mineral water.

 

On Mocha Mom's blog today  I came across a post titled, Could Black Women's Breastmilk Cure Breast Cancer? Black Moms Needed For Important Research. I always wondered the correlation between breastfeeding and breast cancer. Check out more below: 

But could breastmilk hold the keys to preventing and treating breast cancer?  And could African American moms’ breastmilk be especially important? This is the question that a professor at the University of Massachusetts is trying to answer, and she needs the help of African American nursing moms to do it. Dr. Kathleen Arcaro studies breast cancer by studying breastmilk.  She examines breast cells, which are naturally plentiful in breastmilk, to look for genetic signs of breast cancer risk.

To read more click here.

 

Note:  If you’re an African American nursing mom living anywhere in the country and interested in donating breastmilk for this research, please see the contact information at the bottom of this post!

If you’re African American and interested in donating milk for this effort, please contact Beth Punska at (413) 545-0813, or email her at epunska@vasci.umass.edu. More information is also at the study website.  If you’re not nursing, please considerjoining the Love/Avon Army of Women, and select “breast milk study” when asked how you heard about it!

 

Other Interesting Reads

How Angelina Jolie was duped by cancer doctors into self mutilation for breast cancer she never had

 

EXPOSED: Angelina Jolie part of a clever corporate scheme to protect billions in BRCA gene patents, influence Supreme Court decision (opinion)


Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Mother's Day!! I've been a mother of two for one month and its been a journey.I'll give you a quick recap. I've been to the ER twice, I go days without combing my hair or brushing my teeth, and I truly realize I would rather be at work than be a stay at home mother. 

Unlike her big sister, CC is a crier and demands to be carried around constantly. She has facilitated my need to adhere to the tenets of attachment parenting . . . you know baby wearing, co-sleeping, nursing on demand, no "cry it out" for her. It indeed is draining especially with Lil D wanting just as much attention. Initially I was planning to keep Lil D home with me during my maternity leave, but experience has taught me that this was not a good idea. Depending on the week I've been sending her to her Abuela to get "me time". She needs just as much attention as CC and at grandma's she is able to get it. 

D is not a big fan of Mother's Day, or any holiday for that matter, he calls it another consumer's holiday and he always says he wished he owned a store to sell to everyone scrambling to get gifts. 

Rixa, blogger of one of my favorite blogs, Stand and Deliver shares her sentiment about Mother's Day:

I'm just not feeling the love. If we really valued mothers--speaking both individually and culturally--we wouldn't have one day of lip service, followed by a year of neglect. Give us a year's paid maternity and paternity leave. Give us Mother-Friendly care in all hospitals and birth centers. Give us a culture that really, truly values mothers and children and finds ways to keep them together even when the mother needs to earn a living, like flextime, on-site childcare, or babies-at-work programs. Give us a month of daily home visits from postpartum helpers who can cook, clean, do laundry, and help with the other kids so we can snuggle and nurse our newborns. Give us generous social and emotional support for the tremendous work of mothering. But please don't give us flowers and a sappy tribute to 1950's gender roles and think that will suffice until the next Mother's Day. To read more click here.

 

What you think about Rixa's thoughts? This will be my third Mother's Day and I don't really get hyped about it particularly because my birthday is always within 5 days of the holiday. D surprised me and took us out to McLoone's Boathouse in West Orange for an amazing brunch. The menu was extensive. There were assorted fruit, juices, bread and cheeses, a raw bar, omelet and waffle station, crab cake station (all crabmeat no filler), carving station, and 10 different hot entrees to name a few. ;-) I even took two sips of a mimosa. It will probably be the last taste of alcohol I'll have for a long while. 

 

 

 

S/N: We gave CC her first bottle of expressed milk yesterday. I purchased the new Medela Calma bottles and this is what she drank from. "Calma is the only scientific based feeding device that helps to support the similar sucking behaviour of the baby at the breast." Indeed this is true, we had no issues with her feeding. We tried the pacifier but she didn't take it, she gagged instead of sucked it. Oh well we'll try again. 


Guest Post: Home Automation & Free-Range Parenting: Independence 4 Kids, Assurance 4 Mom & Dad

What is free-range parenting?

Free-range parenting - the philosophy of allowing your children to explore and experience the world on their own terms - has been the subject of widespread debate for more than five years.

Free-range parenting, also called simplicity parenting and slow parenting, first entered the public eye when Lenore Skenazy published an article in the New York Sun titled, "Why I Let My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone" on April 1, 2008. The article, which describes her polarizing decision to allow her young son to ride the New York City subway by himself, prompted a range of reactions from the public. Many were horrified, and some even went as far as calling it child abuse. Others, however, endorsed Skenazy's decision to give her child the freedom to discover the world on his own accord.

 

How can free-range parents benefit from home automation? 

There is no magic formula or secret recipe to successful parenting. Every child is different, and it's up to you to figure out how to best raise your son or daughter.

For some parents - particularly single parents - it's oftentimes difficult to balance work responsibilities with the active supervision of their children. Others simply choose to raise their young ones more passively. Regardless, granting your kids more freedom is not an excuse for neglect, and requires just as much responsibility as any other parenting style.

Fortunately, technology has made it easier for parents who want to back off a little bit, but are hesitant to sacrifice the comfort of knowing their kids are safe and sound. Cutting-edge home security systems, in particular, have been a powerful tool for free-range parents.

Many high-profile residential security companies (check out here for more info) have begun offering affordable home automation packages to customers. Although the idea has been around since The Jetsons became popular in the early 1960s, home automation technology is only now becoming widely available.

A "smart home" system allows you to manage almost every aspect of your home using a web-enabled mobile device - from virtually anywhere. That means that, using your iPhone, you can check in on your son or daughter  at home from the office. You can also view live surveillance video, arm/disarm your security system, lock/unlock doors and even receive customizable text and video alerts.

With these capabilities, giving your children more freedom doesn't have to mean giving up the peace of mind that they are safe.

 

By Karen Clark
Blog Editor

Shoe Fanatic

I have a confession. . . I'm a shoe whore who has repressed her need to purchase shoes for herself in place of purchasing shoes for her girls. In the last month I have purchased three pairs of shoes for Lil D. I just can not help myself . . .

 

Kone Peru shoes in Navy Napa

Kone Moccasins in Red Crinkled Patent 

 Brazilian Quality hand made TOKE (Kone) Shoes for children are made in Brazil and Peru by expert craftsmen!

By Umi Shoes, Vybe -- Right now on clearance for $58.90 @ umishoes.com

 

C-Section Battle Wound-- Very Graphic

In my daily search for interesting articles about labour and delivery I arrived upon a very thought-provoking and emotionally charged photograph. Check it out  below. It's very graphic so be prepared.

 When I feel up to it I plan to share my latest read with you on Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Every woman who is considering having children needs to read this book. The best source for information on labour and delivery I've read to date. The book was a wonderful gift from my co-teacher, Nicole. Thanks Nicole, I can't wait to return to work to share all the wonderful things I learned from the book that I applied during the birth of BC2.

 

Deeper than words . . .

Source here

Maternity Pics

Two years ago at my 38 week "routine" doctor's visit I was pressured into beginning the process of inducing my labor. Oh what two years, a vast increase in knowledge, and a new practitioner makes.

 

Let me recap. When I was pregnant with Lil D, at 38 weeks I was given an unnecessary ultrasound and told my baby's head was measuring small and my amniotic fluid was low. {S/N: Lil D was not in distress and up until that point I was having a "normal" pregnancy}. So I went from normal to high risk in an instant. I was experiencing the full blown techno-cratic birth model most OBs follow. Yesterday I went had my 38 week appointment for BC2. Let's just say it was totally different - no stripping membranes, no indepth ultrasound, no half-truths, and coercion. My midwife asked me if I was experiencing anything out of the ordinary, she measured my fundal height, felt to see if baby was in correct position, and ask me the most vital question of them all, "Are you ready to have an amazing labor?" 

 

If you are in Northern New Jersey and need a makeup artist please check out Vanessa of Makeup by Nessa. She was on hand to do my makeup for the baby shower and my maternity shoot.

I'm calling this my bootleg maternity shoot, because of the drama leading up to the actual taking of pictures. First the photog I hired to take pictures in my home cancelled 30 minutes before our appointment, with a bullshit excuse. Second, Lil D refused to be cooperative and take pictures like a nice little girl. Third, I hate portrait studio pictures taken by people who are not truly photographers. Oh well, it is what it is. Once my blood pressure elevated, I did a couple "woo sahs", and accepted that BC2's maternity shoot would not be as nice as Lil D's I was about to get over the disappointment (a little bit).

I'm looking at these pictures thinking how ridiculous I look with the tulle wrapped around my waist. :-\

Life's Unequal Beginnings

In my search for an easy recipe for garlic string beans I arrived upon a fascinating article and slideshow by Alice Proujansky. Alice is a documentary photographer whose stories focus on birth, education and the lives of women. Her birth photography is a poignant reminder of how challenging and dangerous birth can be in poor countries. 
" An estimated quarter of a million women die each year from pregnancy-related causes like pre-eclampsia."
The pictures I shared below are of the maternity ward of Juan Pablo Pina public hospital in San Cristóbal, Dominican Republic. "The maternity ward, which saw 600 deliveries per month, lacked hot water and dependable electricity in a country whose maternal mortality rate was among the highest in the Caribbean. Caesarean sections were very common. The doctors and nurses were brusque, and women who had induced abortions illegally and then come to the hospital for care were scolded until they cried before being sent to recover beside newborn babies."
Viewing these images and reading the article about the conditions these women endure bringing life into the world makes me thankful for being (a) an American, (b) middle class, and (c) aware of my body's ability to birth without medical interventions. I think of these women, who have little rights and money, being forced into situations that are almost like entering a torture chamber. Can you imagine laboring on a thin plastic mattress on the floor without any loved ones to guide and support you while contractions ripe through your body? I think of the countries that circumcise female babies. I think of all the female babies that are aborted because their worth is established prior to becoming a fetus. Women definitely have it hard. My prayers goes out to every women able to conceive and carry a baby to term. 
A patient with her newborn baby in San Cristóbal, Dominican Republic
For the slideshow of more images of "Birth Culture" by Alice Proujansky visit here and here.
Original Article in NY Times here.  A version of this op-ed appeared in print on March 10, 2013, on page SR6 of the New York edition with the headline: Life’s Unequal Beginnings.

Time Management 101

In less then 5 weeks I will be the Mommy of a two-year old and a newborn. All I keep thinking about is the lack of sleep I will be getting until my children begin school. I remember always commenting on women I would see with "stair-step" kids, you know two toddlers and an infant, and here I am following in their foot steps {a little}. I say a little because I met a woman in Target last night that is 6 months pregnant and has a 9 month old at home {sheesh}.

The idea of having children so close in age doesn't seem beneficial while you are living through the tantrums,  potty training, nursing, and everything else, but I found a short list of benefits that I listed below.

  1. Friendship/Companionship: If you look at siblings who are 1-2 years apart in age, you notice that many share the same friends, the same interests, and often look out for one another in social settings.
  2. Costs:With two children in the same age range, consider that they can share toys, lessening your costs. They can also share clothing, in most cases. You may be at a true advantage, especially, if your children are of the same gender.
  3. You only have to go through it once!!
  4. Career: If you decide to be a stay at home mom, you are able to get back in the work force sooner, if you decide to have children back to back. 
  5. Future Families/Cycle: Oddly enough, especially with multiples, children in the same age bracket often plan their lives around one another due to their closeness and friendship. They may get married around the same time, and in a lot of cases plan on having children around the same times so that there will be a continued bond with their children. Source

Time Management 101

Back in December I had the pleasure of attending a workshop sponsored by my girl, Natasha of the Flair Factor. The Sunday social was about how to effectively manage time, especially as mothers. The discussion began with the idea of 168 hours in a week, a concept written about by Laura Vanderkam.

This was broken into the following:

  • 50 hours in an average work week
  • 56 hours of sleep 
  • 62 hours remain (5 hours of which need to be spent strategizing + planning) {According to the CDC at least 2.5 hours per week to exercise -- 30 minutes a day}

The portion of the workshop I enjoyed the most was the idea of creating and maintaining a "time log". A time log is basically an agenda that sections your day into hours, most smart phones have this capability. I am still old school and keep a planner book. I find myself forgetting to input data into my cell phone agenda, but always writing it done in my planner. Old habits are hard to break. I do plan my days by the hour because it gives me a sense of balance in my very hectic life. Sometimes I wish I worked and lived in the same state because some of the chaos would be controlled. It's a bitch working late in NYC and having to come Jersey to run errands and such. I like to make my week days as jammed packed with activities as possible because on the weekend I hate to be like every other drone and in the mall, supermarket, or post office. My weekends are for sleep, peace, and relaxation.

Back to the workshop . . . The take-home messages of the workshop were:

  • Think about it as 168 hours and not a 24 hour day
  • Be on the offense, not defense
  • Use your mornings
  • Ignore, Minimize, + Outsource
  • Bits of time, for bits of joy
  • Time logs + Agendas + Planners are vital to planning a successful 168 hours
  • If it's not made a priority it won't happen

 

 

 

Printable Weekly Planners here and here

 

Pregnancy Gender Myths

Last month I broke down and decided I had to know the sex of BC2. My midwife suggested I try a relatively new test called the Panorama Prenatal Test. For the test you simply needed to have your blood drawn and a host of results would be expected. I will share all I learned in a later post. In this post I wanted to share this super cool infographic from Cryo Bank. Check it out!

 

 

Kids Can Design

In my latest Parenting magazine I discovered an advert for a company that creates really nice gifts for your loved ones.  Kids Can Design is a super cool e-store which takes your little one's artwork into sterling silver jewelry. Check out the cool designs below.

 

 

Custom pendants are on sale for $49.99 and custom charms are $59.99. There is a 2-3 week turn around time for your custom items. 

Blurb about the company:

At KidzCanDesign we specialize in converting your child’s work of art into a high quality sterling silver custom jewelry which can then be worn with pride by any member of the family. We can use any of their traditional drawings created on a piece of paper, or an image created using computer software. If they can draw it and you can send it to us, we can then, to your delight, place those beautiful creations on either a Pendant or Charm which your son, your daughter, or you, the parent, can then wear with pride, letting everyone know that it was your child who stands proudly behind this work of art.